The new sitcom that tells the true story of the fall and fall of Mark Latham. The man who went from Mayor of Liverpool Council to Campbelltown house husband.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Carbon Suckhole!

Scene 1



In a casino somewhere in Sydney Helen is bemused at just how easily her
precious communications laws went through the senate.

Helen Coonan (special guest star, Merryl Streep) : PM how on earth did you manage to get Steven Fielding to vote for the new communications laws?
PM (Antony Hopkins) : I simply gave him a family impact statement with a few case studies on how the new laws would affect some average Australian Families.
Helen Coonan : hmmmm.... You mean you actually found some average Australian Families that would be better off?
PM : Yes, well..... the Packer, Murdoch and Stokes families sprang instantly to mind, they're fairly average wouldn't you say Helen?
Helen coonan : Do you mean in intellegance or income?
PM : Money talks, you know that Helen.
Helen Coonan : Did someone say "Media Consultant", I'm looking around for a board that will take washed up politicians.
PM : Well, we might be able to make room for you at the ABC, what are you like at history?


Scene 2



The last bastion of Australian democracy - The gents urinal at Parliament House.

Kim Beazley (John Goodman) : At the trough. Shit boys I wasn't expecting that.
Glimmer Twins: (Keitth Richards and Mick Jagger) Holding Kims member. Yes Kim the Fair Pay Commission actually gave workers fair pay.
Kim Beazley: Well how do we counter this Oh and can you give it a shake please.
Glimmer Twins: Don't worry Kim the polster said we should focus on Iraq and Climate Change this week.
Alexander Downer (Rupert Everatt) From the cubicle: Ah ha caught you in the act, so that's how you make polices!
Kim Beazley: Quick boys its a leak. Time for the old Labor mateship ritual.
Alexander Downer: I thought you'd never ask.

Scene 3


Liberal Party rubber stamp department caucus room.
Liberal back bench choir (of suckholes), all in unison to the Roger Ramjet theme tune.

When Turnbull takes a proton pill the deserts start to worry, they can't escape the flooding reigns from malcolms mighty fury.
Malcolm Turnbull, he's our man, hero of our nation, he's not a wet but don't forget he'll bring us lots of water.
Malcolm Turnbull (Roger Ramjet) : Thank you friends, I know together we can ride the sheeps back to success, All I need to do is take my proton pill which gives me the power of 20 angry farmers in the middle of a water allocation for 20 seconds, that'll sure whip up a storm.
Malcolm Turnbull Holds up Proton Pill to admiring suck holes sorry caucaus and then drops it. Exclaims 'Dam'.
Peter Costello: Now there's and idea. Dam the Murray. Dam that river in Tasmania, What was it called again?
Bob Hawke (himself): I think it was called the Franklin Peter and I'm its saviour.
Peter Costello: What are you doing in our caucaus meeting anyway Bob.
Bob Hawke: Well people can't tell the difference anymore anyway.
PM: That's what I'm hoping for at the next election. More water anyone?

Scene 4


Natasha Stott Despojia Addressing the Democrats national caucaus in a broom cupboard in Parliament House.
Tash (Special guest star Jodie Foster): After much soul searching and the realisation over coffee this morning that its been five years since I or any other Democrat for that matter, has had any real influence on Parliament, I've decided to resign from Parliament and take up a more fulfilling role.
Democrat Caucas (in unison, well no choice really there are so few of them): Oh well dear me.
Mark Latham (Russell Crowe): Desperately looking for a forum to promote his new book. I approve, that's why I'm a house husband. By the way have you read my latest book. A Conga Line of Suckholes.
Tash: Oh I thought that was about Meg Lees leadership of the Democrats.