The Carbon Suckhole!

Scene 1

In a casino somewhere in Sydney Helen is bemused at just how easily her
precious communications laws went through the senate.
Helen Coonan (special guest star, Merryl Streep) : PM how on earth did you manage to get Steven Fielding to vote for the new communications laws?
PM (Antony Hopkins) : I simply gave him a family impact statement with a few case studies on how the new laws would affect some average Australian Families.
Helen Coonan : hmmmm.... You mean you actually found some average Australian Families that would be better off?
PM : Yes, well..... the Packer, Murdoch and Stokes families sprang instantly to mind, they're fairly average wouldn't you say Helen?
Helen coonan : Do you mean in intellegance or income?
PM : Money talks, you know that Helen.
Helen Coonan : Did someone say "Media Consultant", I'm looking around for a board that will take washed up politicians.
PM : Well, we might be able to make room for you at the ABC, what are you like at history?

Scene 2

The last bastion of Australian democracy - The gents urinal at Parliament House.

Kim Beazley (John Goodman) : At the trough. Shit boys I wasn't expecting that.
Glimmer Twins: (Keitth Richards and Mick Jagger) Holding Kims member. Yes Kim the Fair Pay Commission actually gave workers fair pay.
Kim Beazley: Well how do we counter this Oh and can you give it a shake please.
Glimmer Twins: Don't worry Kim the polster said we should focus on Iraq and Climate Change this week.
Alexander Downer (Rupert Everatt) From the cubicle: Ah ha caught you in the act, so that's how you make polices!
Kim Beazley: Quick boys its a leak. Time for the old Labor mateship ritual.
Alexander Downer: I thought you'd never ask.

Scene 3

Liberal Party rubber stamp department caucus room.
Liberal back bench choir (of suckholes), all in unison to the Roger Ramjet theme tune.
When Turnbull takes a proton pill the deserts start to worry, they can't escape the flooding reigns from malcolms mighty fury.
Malcolm Turnbull, he's our man, hero of our nation, he's not a wet but don't forget he'll bring us lots of water.
Malcolm Turnbull (Roger Ramjet) : Thank you friends, I know together we can ride the sheeps back to success, All I need to do is take my proton pill which gives me the power of 20 angry farmers in the middle of a water allocation for 20 seconds, that'll sure whip up a storm.
Malcolm Turnbull Holds up Proton Pill to admiring suck holes sorry caucaus and then drops it. Exclaims 'Dam'.
Peter Costello: Now there's and idea. Dam the Murray. Dam that river in Tasmania, What was it called again?
Bob Hawke (himself): I think it was called the Franklin Peter and I'm its saviour.
Peter Costello: What are you doing in our caucaus meeting anyway Bob.
Bob Hawke: Well people can't tell the difference anymore anyway.
PM: That's what I'm hoping for at the next election. More water anyone?

Scene 4

Natasha Stott Despojia Addressing the Democrats national caucaus in a broom cupboard in Parliament House.
Tash (Special guest star Jodie Foster): After much soul searching and the realisation over coffee this morning that its been five years since I or any other Democrat for that matter, has had any real influence on Parliament, I've decided to resign from Parliament and take up a more fulfilling role.
Democrat Caucas (in unison, well no choice really there are so few of them): Oh well dear me.
Mark Latham (Russell Crowe): Desperately looking for a forum to promote his new book. I approve, that's why I'm a house husband. By the way have you read my latest book. A Conga Line of Suckholes.
Tash: Oh I thought that was about Meg Lees leadership of the Democrats.