Episode 4 - The Revolting Polys

Scene 1 - Cabinet meeting after PM's refreshing drink from the life affirming waters of the Snowy Hydro, courteousy of Bill
Heffanan, the PM is ready for the winter break but first he must deal with yet another crisis and this time it isn't the National Party (amazing)

Amand Vanstone (Cathy Bates) : PM, PM, come quickly, the back benchers are revolting.
PM (Anthony Hopkins) : Steady on the Amanda, they don't look that bad, and besides, have you taken a good look at yourself in the
mirror recently?
Amanda Vanstone : No PM, I mean they're going to cross the floor.
PM : What, I thought I pulled those nationals into line.
Amanda Vanstone: No, this time they're Liberals, they are going to vote down our changes to immigration, they're comparing it to
Guantanamo Bay
PM: What's so wrong with Guantanamo Bay, if it's good enough for David Hicks, what's wrong with the same set up for the hords of illegals that are trying to get into our country on the sly?
Amanda Vanstone: They're saying we're not meeting our international obligations.
PM: I don't know what their problem is, Indonesia seems to be warming to it. Anyway, don't worry too much about it Mandy, I'm sure our family first friend, Steven Fielding will see it our way.
Amanda Vanstone: OK, how about I get the department of community services to prepare an incriminating "Family Impact Statement"
stating how "Australian Families" will be worse off if we accept these dubios people who a likely at any moment to throw their
children off boats.
PM: Yeah, it's worth a try, but I think I've managed to get him onside with the fuss I've managed to cause over gay marriages, and to be honest he was such a push over with the VSU legislation, I didn't even have to make a deal with him, I think he just liked the attention.

Scene 2 - in a caucus meeting late one afternoon
Kevin Rudd (Daniel Radcliffe) : And we'll get rid of those pesky Liberals by preference deals and branch stacking
Julia Gillard (Judy Davis) : But Kev... that hasn't worked for the past ten years, I think the Australian voter wants something
more... at least that's what my political advisers are telling me. Kim, what are we going to do?
Kim Beazley (John Goodman) : looking buffuddlede and vacant as usual uuuuhhhhmmmmm.....
Suddenly a heavenly light beams down through the caucus room skylight
Kim Beazley : I've got it.... how about..... we actually have a policy?
Caucus collectively: A What!
Kim Beazley : Yes, you remember when we used to have them.... back in the early 90's. Hang on a second, we had one back when Howard was trying to sell his GST, what was it called.... that's right "GST Rollback", all we do is replcace GST with IR... the great "IR
Rollback". Goodbye AWA's, hello common law contracts and collective bargaining, just like in Keatings day.
Caucus erupts in a standing ovation, gradually the ovation dies down.
Julia Gillard : My god Kim ,that's a brilliant idea, just tell me one thing though.... where did that stream of light come from?
Paul Keating (Raiph Fiennes) yells from above skylight : it was me you bloody fools, I had to take drastic measures to teach you scum bags a lesson.... Jesus Kim your like the horse drawn zepplin of Australian politics.

Scene 3 - In a court house somewhere in Sydney, or hero has finally shown up in court.
Mark Latham (Russell Crowe) : But your honor, I was just trying to value add to the ladder of opportunity by easing the squeeze
on the journalists camera equipment.
Judge (special guest appearance by Judge Judy) : That's no excuse.
Mark Latham: Your honor have I told you about my new book, with a complete list of all my one liners from my entire political career.
Judge: I hearby sentence you to 100 hours community service, touring the Country with Bob Hawke promoting Australia's prospects as the world's nuclear waste dump hopefully that won't give time to finish the book.
Bob Hawke (himself) : No child shall live without radioactive waste.
Mark Latham : Your honour not Hawkie. This will be about as exciting as fundraiser for the Australian Democrats.

Scene 4 - Peter Costello holding press conference on his new state bashing plans.

Peter Costello (Alan Rickman) : We're gonna teach these so called State Governments a lesson. For too long they have been winging and carping about not getting enough money or not getting enough support from the Federal Government.
Journalist : Is that why the PM just signed a new COAG agreement with them?
Peter Costello: Well that's different, you see if I was PM they would have to get down on their knees and beg for money.
Another journalist : Why the sudden interest in the States.
Peter Costello: No particular reason, I just want to raise my profile and appear as though I am doing something. I've heard thats how you get to the top job.
Journalist : Or get to be Leader of the Opposition.